“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be answerable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Come to good terms with your accuser quickly, while you are with him on the way to court, so that your accuser will not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you will not be thrown into prison. Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last quadrans” (Matthew 5:21-26; all Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible).

Praise and worship: We think that they are all about our relationship with God. However, we cannot claim a healthy relationship with God when our relationships with other people are in shambles. First John 4:20 makes it clear: “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and yet he hates his brother or sister, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother and sister whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.”

When we think of worship, our minds go to singing hymns, praying, or doing other churchy things for the Lord. But it is more than that. The ancient Israelites offered animal sacrifices as a central part of their worship. While we do not do that anymore—Jesus’ death supersedes the need for any blood sacrifice—a more direct, intimate, and costly form of sacrifice guides Christian worship:

“Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship” (Romans 12:1).

Christian worship does not begin or end in a church building or gathering of believers. True Christian worship and sacrifice drive our entire lives. The worship service in “the house of the Lord” continues the believer’s daily life of worship. Genuine worship connects our Sunday activities in a religious setting with our ordinary activities between Monday and Saturday.

This is why bad attitudes produce bad worship. We might say we love God, but we think He made a stupid mistake when He allowed that person to be born. We believe God would be a better Judge of the universe if he would do something about that other person. We sing at the top of our lungs, raising our hands and clapping enthusiastically. We pray with passion. We shout “Amen” and “Hallelujah” at the most important points in the pastor’s sermon. But, we hold onto bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, or hate, all of which poison our praise.

Jesus said the proper way to deal with anger is to pursue reconciliation. “Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matthew 5:23-24). Do not go into church shrugging and saying, “I don’t have to do anything about it; Jesus forgives me,” or making excuses, blaming the other person, etc. Instead, Jesus tells us to seek reconciliation before corporate worship begins.

If you attend a church where the congregation greets one another as part of the service (some churches call it “the passing of the peace,” where members greet one another with a handshake, saying something like “Peace be with you”), try to make a point of reaching out to the other person.

Is the other person unresponsive or resistant? Matthew 18:15-18 offers guidance. Confront them privately. If that does not work, bring along one or two other people. While Matthew 18 specifically deals with confronting a fellow believer about sin, the essential principles apply to our relationships with other believers; a broken or wounded relationship is usually the result of at least one person’s sin.

Jesus also urged the disciples to take the initiative. Do not wait for the other person to act. Even if you “remember that your brother has something against you,” take steps to resolve it. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people” (Romans 12:18). Our role model is Jesus, Who did not wait for humanity to ask Him to save us; He took the initiative to die for us while we were rebelling against Him.

Our responsibility is to sincerely seek forgiveness and reconciliation. We cannot control the other person’s response. If the person has an unforgiving, bitter, or confrontational personality, you cannot change them. You can only change how you choose to relate to other people.

In Twelve Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, a make-or-break point in the person’s recovery usually comes around Steps Eight and Nine:

Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Are there people you have hurt or who have offended you? Do not let them stand between you and intimacy with God. Seek reconciliation; pursue forgiveness; aim to redirect them from being a barrier to your intimacy with God to being a fellow traveler on the path that is God’s perfect will for your lives.

Loving and forgiving God, sometimes we get angry at others; sometimes we give them reasons to be angry at us. Forgive us for the times we cause conflict with others. Show us how to pursue peace with all people and the holiness without which nobody will see You. Give us loving and forgiving hearts like Yours. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

How do you pursue reconciliation with others? Have you found an effective way to manage conflict? Share your thoughts in the comments area below.

Copyright © 2023 Michael E. Lynch. All rights reserved.