“Now it was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away is to give her a certificate of divorce’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:31-32; all Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible).

For many years, I thought of writing a book about the Sermon on the Mount. Since the late 1990s, these two verses prevented me. The Sermon on the Mount exposes our shortcomings and calls us to repentance and discipleship. None of us can honestly read these three chapters and not, at some point, say, “Ouch!”

I am divorced and remarried. I will not go into the details other than to say that I did not choose to end my first marriage. Although I can probably defend and justify myself in this regard, I will not do so here. Each of us will stand before the Lord to give an account of our lives. He is the judge (Romans 14:10-13).

Jesus’ teaching about divorce is challenging, especially in modern culture. Since 40%-50% of marriages end in divorce, few families are unaffected. The church is in a conflicting situation. We have Jesus’ clear teaching, which leaves few excuses for divorce. In Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:3-9, Jesus lists one legitimate reason for divorce: The Greek word is “porneia”; it is the root of our English word “pornography” and includes all kinds of sexual immorality (fornication, incest, prostitution, etc.), not solely adultery. The Greek has a different word for adultery, “moicheia,” which specifically refers to sexual immorality where at least one of the parties is married to someone else.

The apostle Paul offers an additional grounds for divorce:

“But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one is leaving, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:12-16, emphasis added).

Some sincere Christians may find other valid reasons for divorce that are not explicitly listed in Scripture but seem consistent with its spirit. For example, many Christian leaders will support a woman’s decision to leave an abusive marriage where her physical safety—and perhaps her life—could be endangered.

Modern society has broadened divorce beyond such strict guidelines. People can now get divorced for “irreconcilable differences.” (Does that mean one is a Democrat and one is a Republican, or that one is “a little bit country” while the other is “a little bit rock-and-roll?”) The Pharisees who argued with Jesus felt a man should be allowed to divorce his wife because she burned his supper. Deuteronomy 24:1-4, the Old Testament’s keynote passage on divorce, simply says that the man may divorce her “because he has found some indecency in her.” Even then, that law was intended to be restrictive, requiring the husband to write a certificate of divorce.

In each of the cases of divorce provided by Jesus and Paul, there is the common theme that the very faith and trust that bind the marriage has been destroyed. As a whole, though, marriage is a lifetime commitment and the couple should make every effort to preserve the marriage if possible.

Unfortunately, many marriages, including a large number of Christian families, end in divorce. In fact, according to several studies, churchgoing Bible-believing Christians are almost as likely to divorce as nonbelievers. It is endemic both in the body of Christ and in society.

Perhaps we can begin by looking at our values and how they affect marriage. Biblical marriage calls us to unity, to “become one flesh.” Modern Western society values individualism. A marriage where both partners approach life with a me-first attitude will face difficulties.

The church should minister with a spirit of mercy, forgiveness, and compassion, as well as seeking holiness. It should be a place where couples in crisis can find healing and encouragement, not judgment and condemnation. God calls us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). Hurting couples need compassion, healing, and a safe place to share their burdens. Quoting Scriptures with an attitude of blame and judgment will not solve a problem; offering divine wisdom to correct root issues will.

Next Sunday’s article will offer a few more suggestions from one of the most prominent leaders in church history.

Heavenly Father, You are the Author of life and love, and You established marriage. Bless all Christian marriages with Your love, mercy, and peace. Bring healing to homes undergoing conflict and hardship. Give ministers and all believers wisdom to serve wounded and hurting families. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Is there anything you would like to share about the Bible’s teaching on marriage and divorce? Please share your thoughts below.

Copyright © 2023 Michael E. Lynch. All rights reserved.