“Now it was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away is to give her a certificate of divorce’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:31-32; all Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible).

While preparing last Sunday’s article, I came across Martin Luther’s commentary on Matthew 5:31-32. (I read it using a module in BibleTime 3.0.3, available from The Sword Project, which has several free Bible apps available in Windows, Mac, and Linux.) He had extensive notes about this passage, but I will summarize a couple of important points about marriage and divorce that he shared, along with some personal contemporary observations.

First, it is important to lay a good foundation for marriage before the wedding. Many relationships struggle because couples marry for the wrong reasons. The things that make dating fun might work against you after several years of marriage. Luther wrote that the first thing we should do is pray that God would guide us to a good spouse:

“Therefore, those who do not do this, but rush into things of their own accord, as if they needed no help from God, and do not learn to adapt themselves to circumstances, they deservedly realize in them a real purgatory and hellish torment, without the devil’s help; and because they bear no trouble with patience, but have selected just what suited them best, and want to set aside and ignore the article that is called forgiveness of sin; they have as a reward a restless, impatient heart, and so must suffer double misfortune and get no thanks for it” (Martin Luther).

I will add to Luther’s advice. While praying for a good spouse, seek the wisdom of older people whose wisdom you can respect and who can speak from a place of experience. Parents or other adult married relatives, pastors or other church leaders, or other mature Christians who understand marriage and know you and your partner well can see dangers you might not recognize before the wedding day. Many families have become so comfortable “letting them live their own lives now that they’re grown up” that they do not intervene, even if doing so can help them avoid future pain. Praying for God’s wisdom is a great idea but, in a world driven by a “sex sells” mentality, Satan and hormones can do a very good job tricking you into thinking that their temptations are the voice of God. Satan disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14), and this can trick us into mistaking our selfish desires for God’s will.

Second, Luther urged his readers to bear our spouses with patience. It is probably not an accident that Jesus’ lengthiest comments about divorce (Matthew 19:3-12) followed a parable about forgiveness (Matthew 18:23-35). The familiar passage about love calls us to forgive others, and this especially applies to family and marriage:

“Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered,it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Begin with a desire for God’s will in every area of your life, especially your marriage and family. Make it a lifelong commitment and stick with it. Then, continue to pray, continue to forgive, and continue to love. Express the grace, mercy, and healing love of Jesus in your marriage and all of your relationships.

Loving God, thank You for the gifts of love, marriage, and family. Guide single persons as they seek a marriage partner and make other major life decisions. Fill us with Your Holy Spirit so that we can share Your love, mercy, and grace with our family members and others. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Do you have any marriage advice you would like to share? Feel free to give your comments below.

Copyright © 2023 Michael E. Lynch. All rights reserved.